Hi there- I’m a 40 year old guy(?) and crossdresser since puberty. Maybe it’s just quarantine but I’ve started to entertain the possibility that I’m non-binary and was hoping to get some feedback. Here’s the context: - I’ve never been an overtly masculine guy but I still read as a “normal guy” - This despite the fact that I’m queer and have dated cis and trans men and women. I currently have a cis girlfriend. My experiences with trans women have made it clear to me the differences between who they are and who I am. - Dressing up gives me a sexual thrill but I usually avoid pleasuring myself. - I enjoy taking photos while dressed and these usually veer sexy, sometimes nude. I’d much rather dress for a short time and try on a bunch of outfits than wear one outfit for an extended time. I eventually get bored of it and undress. - I dress anywhere between once a week to once a month. It’s been happening more frequently in lockdown. - I don’t dislike being a guy and have actually felt more masculine than ever in the past few years. I’ve gotten in great shape and have become somewhat serious about sports. My overall confidence is much higher and I feel this has helped my confidence in dressing as well. - I lift weights every day and don’t care that it hurts my chances at passing. I also don’t lift weights in some way to sabotage my dressing. I first began losing weight to look more feminine. - I’ve never felt like a woman but there is an undeniable pull to look like one. I’ve called it my ‘girl side’ in the past. - I usually check out my pics a couple times a day and peruse women’s clothes online a few times a week. - I’m becoming more ok with blending genders...meaning not covering up my muscles in drag and keeping nail polish on after a crossdressing session. - I love shaving off my body hair and haven’t let it grow out fully in the past few years. - I have gone out in drag sporadically to safe spaces but I’m not one for doing a voice or hiding what’s underneath. I’ve said in the past that I’d be a drag queen if I was 25% gayer. - I’ve felt some new happiness over the last week when thinking of myself as non-binary. - In re-reading everything I just wrote it seems kinda obvious I’m just a CD. If that’s your conclusion too, then... - Are crossdressers non-binary? Does it even matter? Do I want to be non-binary because it seems easier to come out as an enby than a crossdresser? Sorry this is so long winded. And thanks for any responses!
Being a crossdresser isn't the same as being nonbinary. Crossdressing is about presentation, while being nonbinary is about identity, and presentation and identity aren't the same. Nor do they have to match; ie, you can be a man who dresses like a girl while still identifying as a man, and that's fine. You say you like to dress in women's clothes and wear polish sometimes, which is perfectly fine, but that doesn't necessarily make you NB. I'm NB, and while I prefer shorts and T-shirts and a generally androgynous look, I do occasionally wear dresses and do my nails. Basically, I'm nonbinary because I don't feel like "male" or "female" really describe my gender. And I wear the clothes I wear because I like them, whether they're girly or more androgynous.
Thank you for your response, and I agree with what you say. I guess I’m starting to wonder about ‘the why’ regarding my desire to present as feminine at times. I guess ‘crossdresser’ is just another identity? A little frustrating to think about since these terms are so new and malleable.
Of course! But not all CDs are NB I assume. I think the unfortunate thing about being a CD right now is that I feel so close to the greater gender variant community (apologies if that’s an incorrect term) and yet still feel outside of it. I assume this is partly due to the secrecy surrounding CDing. It does feel like we’re all points on the same spectrum though. It would be nice to feel more like part of the family!