Im super confused

Rd Spencer

Thank you so much for your input, i really enjoyed what you wrote and i actually agre with everything you wrote.

To be hones with myself, i know deep inside that i have true attractions to women, like real, i feel so connected to them, aroused and everything

The big role here is my obsession, and when i say thats the real issue im convinced that really is.

I have real onsessions and compulsion about my sexuality, like i know i dont want to test myself with gay porn, but if i dont do it i will explode, my head fills me with anxiety when i dont reassure myself.

And bc i have a lot of compulsions, a lot of times i had a feeling in my penis, which i can say its very different from real arousal that i feel with woman, but bc of this feeling i feel like i NEED to be sure, bc if i felt something in my penis while fantasizing i must be gay, thats what my head thinks.

Sometimes i even masturbated and yeah i got a erections and all, but its all anxiety, it wasnt real arousal and pleasure that ive been feeling, most of the times i just feel horrible, i cant enjoy and have a good experience.

And this feeling fills me with anxiety, and then the cicle begins, over and over again.

Like today i was hanging out, and i saw a security guard, and i had, Like i HAD to look at his ass ,i tried to close my eyes but it was like my head was going to explode if i didnt look.

Even my eyes was trying so hard to look at him but i didnt want, if i didnt i wouldnt be sure about mu sexuality, yeah even if i did that MILLIONS OF TIMES BEFORE.

So i did, i look, and felt this groinal response in my penis, so fucking weird this feeling, but i didnt get aroused at all.

Thats the problem, if i didnt have this feeling in my dick when i teat myself i would have stopped already but bc of that i cant.

I really love woman and i reapect everyone. But my real problem is my obsession and anxiety. Trully.

But i dont know why i feel this feeling in my penis, i never felt this before my obsession starts, so it doesnt make any sense.

Thank you rd i agree with you and i hope both of us can find answers to our questions in this year.

 

Hi chris i understand you man.

Like we both know its very hard to deal with anxiety, you said you want to be more honest with yourself, but the true question i want to ask you is, does it really help? Like saying thats ok to be gay and all that, does it make you feel better, with less anxiety and all that?

And i question you this bc ive tried this before, everytime i got an obsession over something i would tell myself that its okay to be gay, and that its a part of myself, begging that if i started to be honest with myself i would find peace, but the problem is, it doesnt help me, and i think it wouldnt help you too.

You can probably feel some releaf that the thoughts would go away and all that, but in 5 minutes it would come back again, and i thougth to myself that thats not the real problem here.

So if you could answer this truthfully it could really help you, it doesnt matter if you say its okay to be gay and you need to embrace your true self if the anxiety wont go away, its not gonna help anything.

Our real problema here is this ocd which is playing the big role here. I saw even @chips saying that, flashing images and unwelcome thoughts are not something that somene "healthy" would go throught, and ppl here said that they dont need to test everytime, or think everytime or even watch porn everytime to test themselves, thats the real problem here.

We should first take an action about our ocd and anxiety.

Like rd said above, no need to do compulsions or obsessions over something, ppl just know they like.

And to be honest we could both be gay, or bissexual or straight, but it doesnt matter now first we should take care of ocd.

So yeah meds and therapy. I dont have any problems with being gay or bi, if being gay or bi give me peace, im happy.

All i want is to find peace, regardless of my true gender and sexuality.

Maybe thats how itll work for you too.


And i would appreciate if someone tells me that denial give anxiety

Bc i saw a lot of ppl here saying that they were in denial but they knew they were, you sound like someone whos just scared to be, so you shouldnt worry that youre hiding you inner gay self

 

Hi man, yeah i already read your posts, theres a ton of people with this ocd thing and it sucks.

I do have some really bad times where i just cant thinm about anything than being gay, i would woke up and a voice in my head would say like, youre gay.

And there times where i just cant feel good about any conclusion, i try to masturbare to men and dont get aroused, try seeing pictures of naked men or gifs and nothing too.

Then saitch to women and get aroused, but after it doesnt matter my head keep with this thought that im gay.

No matter what i do i cant stop with this thoughts that im a gay men in denial, but what denial feels like?

Or what should i do to know what im into.

Im now just living my life and not certain of anything but these thoughts bothers so much.

I would like to have chips giving me some info about what denial feels and what should i do to stop these thoughts while im not going to therapy.

Best of luck men

 

Hi quebec, your not being harsh at all, youre totally right.

Im saying the same things over and over, i know that.

Im sad bc of that, but i think its the only wat i could find some rest for a while, im not just in this forum, im in reddit and a hocd forum(just to see what they say)

But yeah i know im saying the same things over and over, and im sorry for that everyone, thanks for being good to me

Ill try to stop being here for a while.

 

Both of you are correct.

Im trying to get along with my life, but what do i do when the groinal feeling comes even when im near my brother?? This happened today and i really tried to not think about ot and just let the sensation be there, since i dont get aroused by it.

But it lasted like 45 fucking minutes with this feeling in my groin just bc i was next to my brother, thins happens near my friends too.

I feel like im a monster bc of that, the same feeling happens when i play with my dog, i do feel like a monster.

Shit im all messed up.

I was hiding this facts bc i was so ashamed of it but i cant hide no more, this two things that o said above happened not once but more than 3 times, and everytime the feeling in my dick comes i feel im a monster.

But i was going on with my life, and im trying to do this now too, its so weird that i dont have this feeling for womans, i just have a erection and arousal like it should be, but never this groinal feeling that i have everyday now with men i dont even know.

Its really really weird.

But now im trying to do nothing and just live my life when ot happens, but the mix of the feeling with anxiety and nervous makes so difficult to not pay attention, and then i start noticing sometimes a beggining of an erection, like a start, and it gets really bad bc that i try to slap my head sometimes lol.

But i have one question, im now trying to just say to me that im bi, even if i dont get aroused by the same sex, its something that make these thoughts less stronger and the feeling too, everytime i had a groinal feeling i say "its okay to feel that since im bi" and then it kind vanish for a bit, it works when im alone.

But would help me if i sometimes try to fantasizd about the same sex, sometimes i do that, trying to see what i will feel and control my compulsions, does it help or am i just messing it up more?

I have a lot of groinal feelings but i can be relaxed and control it, since i dont get aroused by this, maybe it could help to control the anxiety amd the feelings?

 

And sorry for my bad writting sometimes, i do it quickly and just after i notice that i messed up.

I cant edit now that 5 minutes has passed lol

 

Hi noval, im doing this since monday, im just trying to live my life.

But i do read some thinfs in this forum, and i found not once but a lot of gay man here who said that before they liked woman, they say its something compulsive.

Like before they accept them, they were aroused and attracted to girls.

Does this really exists? Bc if so how do i know im not just a compulsive gay men? Eho just like woman bc i should like them and its compulsive.

I looke at men and woman today at the beach, and i didnt feel nothung looking at men, there was a guy who was flexing his abs when i looked at him, and i forced myself to look, and i didnt feel nothing, just felt weird and uncomfortable.

Like looking at men seems just forced, like i have to look to know, and there times when i domt want but my head like forces me to look.

And i dont get aroused.

But i dont get aroused looking at womans butt and chest too, bc im not a pervert, and i would feel bad if that happened, but i exchange looks with woman i get aroused, feels so nice and it feels genuine.

But with men feel uncomfortable and weird i dont like it.

But what if im in this stage where im just compulsive rejecting men and liking woman? How do i know that? I dont think this is real but im afraid now.

Like im living a lie.

So you guys who are gay, when you didnt have come out yet, do you had like this compulsive thing with women or it was just like, you liked looking at guys so yeah?

And so how can i tell i feel attracted to someone, i feel so lost now.

 

Like how should i know if im just liying to myself until now, repressing myself?

How do i know that? I even tried to masturbate at this man i saw at the beach today while i was showering. But i got flaccid.

In the other hand i got super aroused masturbating to this woman i saw at the beach today too.

I even ejaculated to her while fantasizing.

Shit so confusing, im super l o s t

How do i know im not just compulsively liking woman?

 

Sorry noval, tnx for the input, youre right.

Im trying not to think about this anymore.

Do you tend to get aroused looking at men in the streets?

Bc now it seems hard for me to get aroused in the street looking at woman.

I dont know if its bc of too much porn i watch, but i dont seem to get aroused, i like to look at her and all btw.

Do you grt aroused looking at men or just like to look?

 

Hi rd.

Yeah the anxiety is controlling me 100%, i cant even enjoy a masturbation anymore, there porns that i watch that every guy got aroused but my anxiety kick in, like bj or hj, just bc theres a dick in the center my head tells me i got aroused by the dick.

And im tired i just want to enjoy my masturbation omg.

And answering your question my next appointment is in march.

I dont know what to do in this time before i start therapy too

 

So yeah today i woke up and got obsessive thoughts again, so i tried to fantasize again.

And it did nothimg again so i went to see pics of a dick getting aroused or getting erect(ive already seen this but like i needes to see again)

But this time i actually felt like a slight arousal i think, i fel some kind of erection in my penis and all that, but after i got flaccid.

Is weird how this works, i cant say if this was really kind of a arousal or just some feeling.

But yeah i jus wanted to vent this.

I think im scared that if i dont try to fantasize, or see gay porn or whatever, i will somewhat be lying to me and wont be free, so thats why i keep checking but it doesnt make sense this checking, bc now if i go to the same google page that i searches for dicks getting erections i wont feel nothing.

Maybe the feeling is worse when im pressured/anxious? Bc when im normal i dont get these feelings.

So weird.