This is my first post on Empty Closets. I am a twenty five year old male. I joined this forum so I could receive some potential guidance on my questioning from other people and I hope for some feedback on my brief summary of key features I think of importance in my sexuality towards men and women. My questioning of my sexuality began in the Summer of 2018 for about a week, but I suppressed until about two weeks ago this questioning due to pressing personal matters. I was raised in a conservative, but non religious, family so any conversations on relationships between men and women consisted of traditional relationships. I had considered myself straight for the longest time, but I have never had significant sexual attraction to women, sexual arousal to women, or romantic attraction to women. I have neither had sexual activity with a woman nor desired sexual activity with women. I have lacked significant interest in dating women, but I have had a woman ask me on dates for about three weeks. I ended the relationship because I did not reciprocate on the woman’s desire for a more intimate relationship. I have perceived women in my life as at most platonic friends rather than potential partners or long term relationship partners and I have never had a crush on any women. My attention to men and sexual arousal from men has been around since late middle school to early high school. I have never had any type of sexual relationships with a man, dated a man, or held hands with a man. I have been significantly sexually aroused by certain images of men, certain men I find attractive in public, or certain male acquaintances. This sexual interest in men developed into crushes during and after high school. I kissed a close friend when I was sixteen, but I always attributed this incident to adolescent experimentation. I have developed crushes on certain men I encountered with the most recent arising this last fall. I ignored, repressed, or denied these crushes with the messages of focusing on educational advancement or employment advancement over relationships. I have also always noticed men instead of women in public I found attractive. I possess hesitancy to the acceptance of the obvious conclusion to my inquiry. I have never been exposed either to positive role models or guidance on these issues at any point in my life. My brain has presented a long list of potential rebuttals to my suspicions on my possible homosexual tendencies, but I have been rebutting these questions with facts from my life. I suspect my long ignorance on this topic and conservative background prevented my questioning of my sexuality earlier in my life.
With the lack of interest in women you are describing, no crushes, no sexual thoughts, nothing and an interest in men both sexually and romantically, you honestly just sound gay to me to put it bluntly. You definitely are not straight. I would suggest for you to explore this would be through watching gay male youtubers and TV shows. I am a female myself so I did this with lesbian media and found it to be helpful. Journaling your thoughts and feelings would also help.
Only you can decide, but no interest in women, sexually aroused by men, fantasize about men... what does it sound like to you I spent years doing this and making excuses. You can find lots of threads here by people posting their potential rebuttals here is a good one: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...red-of-common-sense-think-i’m-not-gay.484703/ But ask yourself this, if you had the same descriptions about being attracted to women, would you doubt that you were straight?
out2019 pretty much nailed it. There's nothing in what you've described that would remotely point to your being straight or even bi. I'm sure that's not what you want to hear. If you're aroused by men and not women, if your masturbation fantasies center around men and not women, if you find your eyes wandering toward men and not women... you pretty much have your answer. The question then is (assuming you agree with the above assessments), how do you feel about that, and what do you feel are your next steps?
I agree with these assessments. A rational assessment of my experiences makes it obvious I am gay. The previous few days have been a whirlpool of emotions for me, but I feel more confident in my decision given other people's feedback in this thread. I still feel some apprehension from this revelation because of the extensive list of new topics and skills I will learn. My short term steps over the next few months include telling or not telling the appropriate family members and friends. For my family and friends, I need some time to analyze who I might expect backlash or criticism from on this topic and who can wait until a later date. I will then devise a plan of action from this analysis for the people in my life. A step later in the year includes a search for gay hobby groups or activity groups that might interest me in my community after the return of more normal social processes. I appreciate the positive feedback, time, and support from the participants in this community.
