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What is "later in life?"

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Harleigh, Dec 15, 2020.

  1. Harleigh

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    I've just started questioning my orientation for the first time in my late 30s. Is that "later in life?" I hear so many people say that deep down they kind of always knew. Maybe it's because sexuality is fluid or maybe because I was raised in a strict religion that suppressed sexuality (we were told that even heterosexual crushes before college were bad) so much that I had never even considered it. I don't know.

    Is late 30s unusual? What is "later in life" for you?
     
  2. Tightrope

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    It's whatever works for you. It's more about how you feel than a number - like someone's age.

    I know that I looked youthful at about 35 but felt very mature. I was doing mature things in my life. So I could relate to later in life people and had friends who were my age as well as older friends. It made no difference to me. I've always held my own with people older than myself and found them interesting to associate with.

    Someone's 30s may not be later in life for most people, but I feel that at 40 or 45, people's concerns definitely start looking more "later in life." My two cents.
     
  3. QuietPeace

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    There is an informational post about this sub-forum
    https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/about-this-sub-forum.485904/
    In it they specify that there are no restrictions and any EC member is welcome to participate.

    I am nearly 60 and for several decades now I have been periodically updating/changing my orientation label according to then current events. For me anyone who is working on their definitions in their teens or twenties is early in life. I started living as my true self in my 20s which is late to some and early to other people. I only started living permanently as my true self when I was 45 which to me is later in life (certainly later than I wish I had) but there are others for whom mid 40s would be early. If this area works for you then go ahead.
     
  4. quebec

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    Harleigh.....Hello, and just in case no one else has said it...Welcome to Empty Closets! You can post in "LGBT Later in Life" regardless of your age. If it looks like you would get a better response in a different subforum, we will do our best to point you in that direction! We are glad that you have found us here on empty closets!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    The simple answer might be that it's different things to different people. I know some young people in their 20's who describe themselves as "old souls" and would probably gravitate towards this sub forum. At 44 I would say I am possibly later in life... but nobody else better say it to me unless they want a good bitch slap.
    :laughing:
     
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  6. Spartan 117

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    Honestly sometimes I wonder if we should rename this subforum to something that sounds a bit less like somewhere people go to die. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    You’re very welcome to post here, or anywhere you feel is appropriate! And no, thirty is not unusual - everyone has a different journey to discover their sexuality, and an oppressive religion can definitely delay these things (I should know)! :slight_smile:
     
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  7. chicodeoro

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    I always take the name of this sub forum to be that it's for people who consider themselves 'mature', ie not a kid anymore.

    I'm not sure when exactly I reached that stage but at 51 I feel that definitely fits...
     
  8. gravechild

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    I think it depends where you are in life. A lot of folk here post about marriage, children, careers, etc. so if you have those in your thirties, it could potentially count.
     
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  9. QuietPeace

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    I started to finally feel like an adult when my first child was born, I was 30.
     
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  10. BiGemini87

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    I don't think it's unusual at all. Perhaps not as common as people knowing in their teens or early 20s, but common enough that you're certainly not alone. It's been almost 2 years since I came out--I'll be 34 next year.

    There are plenty of reasons why someone might not realize or feel comfortable admitting their sexual orientation until later in life. As for when "later" is? I'd say starting as early as mid 20s is a fair time to consider it later in life, but it varies from person to person. :slight_smile:
     
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  11. SevnButton

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    For me, "Later in Life" happens after you've gotten everything figured out and settled, or at least that's what you present to the rest of the world. It's when it's become more complicated to say, "I'm not straight", because it conflicts with the life you've already established.

    I post and read here because I relate to what other people write here. If this forum is useful for you, by all means, go ahead and jump in!
     
  12. Angeleno

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    That pretty much encompasses my thoughts as well.
     
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  13. LostInDaydreams

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    I like what @SevnButton has said here.

    I was 28 when I started posting in this sub-forum, so not “later in life” in most contexts, but I was in a long term heterosexual relationship at the time and I have a daughter from that relationship, so it wasn’t just a case of coming out to people and carrying on with things much as they were.
     
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  14. Tightrope

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    I tend to see posts and discussions in "Later in Life" that have more detail and threads that run longer. Is this more a question of people getting older, or more mature. It could be. It's what I like about this sub-forum. I can always count on deeper discussions here and that a sense of humor is still present - when the chips aren't completely down.
     
    #14 Tightrope, Dec 17, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2020
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  15. out2019

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    For me personally it meant my early fifties.
    Generally I think if you don't have some moment when or experience when you're in your formative (teen) years, especially older people, can repress, rationalize.

    Some people will be bewildered, how could you not know for that long? Denial can be pretty strong. With many gay guys who came out later in life the general comments I have heard was something like "yeah I had gay fantasies but I just wrote it off as a kink and since I could have sex with women, I assumed it was a just a fantasy.. how could I be gay, I have a girlfriend, we'd tell ourselves".

    I won't go into explicit detail, but now, considering how easily I can fantasize or imagine doing things to a guy and having a guy do them to me, it's seems weird that a few years ago if you were to ask me if I am gay I would firmly say no.

    Years and years and years of making excuses, covering up behavior/desire, quickly looking away from something that arouses you...can all pile up to a lot of denial. But once you start to accept yourself, you start to see your past differently. Oh that guy I would quickly look away from, I had a crush on him.
     
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  16. JessNC

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    Such thoughtful and helpful responses. EC is a lovely place. I will only add that, for me, the title of this forum offered me a place to shate regardless of age or circumstances. And it seems to me both that anyone who feels "late" in coming to aspects of their sexuality will find this forum helpful AND those of us with several decades of life experience under our belts (is that a pun?) can share without shame or hesitation.
     
  17. silverhalo

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    As everyone else has said I don't think there is a specific definition. I think for me it would be anything after the teenage years and puberty really.
     
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  18. Suitsme

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    I was also in my late thirties when I came out. At that time it felt later in life. I’m now 51 and I feel like that time wasn’t late because now I’m older. I think it’s all on perspective.

    Perhaps late thirties is late in life in comparison to coming out in your teens or early twenties :slight_smile: