Hi y’all, I’ve been wanting to get this off my cis boobs, so thx so much for being out there☺️ Soo I recently completed my 3rd legit crush full of feelings and butterflies and fricking lust on a non-man (2 girls, 1 nb person) and I decided to call myself “bi” for the time being bc that’s what feels right rn... However, I’m not sure now if being bisexual/bi/biromantic means having these isolated feelings for non-men, or if it means having attraction toward the idea of women in general - I know I can have feelings for girls & nb ppl, but not sure if I find the idea of the traditional female body types attractive off the bat - I usually picture a male body when I think of an attractive body... anyway plz read on! So, homosexual behavior history tiiime - For as long as I can remember it has been hard for me to keep my eyes off boobs & AFAB bodies, and I’ve received a couple comments after an accidental stare - Only had crushes on guys till college (a couple were notably “feminine-looking” faces) - But all the while I wanted to touch girls I saw once in a while bc their curves looked like they’d feel great in my hands (they looked luscious) - However, I used to dance with girls @ dances bc I’d be too shy to ask my guy crush or have anyone think I was flirting with someone (yeah we were heteronormative) - In & after college, I’ve felt romantic, aesthetic, sexual, etc. attraction for Some girls - 1st girl crush I went to a women’s college (I know, if there’s any confirmed bi ppl here ur probably rolling ur eyes), and in my sophomore year, I gained warm, distinctly romantic feelings for a friend - she was a gorgeous, more feminine-presenting blonde who’d always stay behind to talk to me & hug me - I loved her chill humor & the way she cared about me (She’s asexual unfortunately). I’d wait for just the right moment to catch her on her schedule to say hi & spend half an hour looking out the window where I could see her dorm..I’d feel a rush when she’s pick me up (& every time I saw her, quite frankly) AND I couldn’t get over her AFTER DATING A GUY FOR MONTHS - Crush on my non-binary RA I knew them for a couple years & was attracted to both their can-do attitude & the way their engineering prowess & cute disposition combined within their female body. This wasn’t as big a crush, but I could feel my voice getting quieter as I got shyer around them & suddenly wanting to kiss or touch them whenever we happened to get physically close - 2nd girl crush (in love?) Here comes the big one - I had such a hard time trying to talk to that butch beauty without blushing.. I knew her for 2 yrs, & she’s insightful, witty, an emo punk music & sport-loving ball of uniqueness. I could listen to her talk for hours about her distinct opinions on the latest class material or societal conventions - and she could - except she said some things that made it clear that she had insecurities... & that just made me want to hold her & say I don’t judge My therapist was convinced I was in love with her. I confessed to her eventually, and the only words that would come to me were “I love you” (though not what I said lol) I cried for over half an hour after getting rejected - it felt terrible, and I still sometimes wish I could somehow talk to her I’ve also been attracted to other girls & non-men, but they’re usually more butch-presenting. It’s only once in a while I also feel captivated when I see a beautiful female kpop idol (or that really pretty girl in my kpop club) Anywayy... So I’m pretty sure all the feelings I felt for these 3 people were very real (tho plz give me input if u don’t think so), & though I’m not denying that a high lgbt+ population may have influenced my sexuality, I’m defining it as my present tendencies, regardless of whether I would’ve somehow only had straight feelings if I went to a co-ed school (cause it’s less complicated that way rn tbh don’t @ me) I just think it’s strange I went through 7 guy crushes without giving girls a second thought in a romantic sense, then only have full-blown feelings for girls & nbs only in a women’s college context - I don’t know if this environment woke me up to my bisexual tendencies or if it “stretched” my sexuality and made it easier for me to like non-men even though attraction to guys comes more naturally It feels great to have the gay community here with me in quarantine, so thank u!! Any insights??? Anyone in a similar situation?
I'd say it's quite understandable for you to identify as bisexual. I wouldn't worry about the fact that you had a long stretch of attraction to men and then suddenly started feeling attraction to those women. If you presently still feel attraction to men and women, you could certainly use the bisexual label. Sometimes it takes new exposures and experiences for us to realize a new part of ourselves. Your environment certainly would have had an impact, but it seems like you've given this some thought, and if you still think those feelings are present, I wouldn't doubt yourself. Hopefully this helps. If I misunderstood your question or situation, please let me know!
Thanks TJ I think I mainly wanted to ask and see if anyone thinks that me suddenly feeling like a bi person is something that was induced by my experiences, and something that could go away with time. I know the myth of bisexuality being a phase, and I don’t believe it regarding true bisexuality (If there is an other kind of transient bisexuality? Idk) Idk if the way I reacted to my experiences is something closer to how someone heteroflexible rather than bi would react... Eh, I guess I was also trying to see if similar perspectives would come up with helpful conclusions from other folks
