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open relationship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by latinluis, Sep 9, 2020.

  1. latinluis

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    at the moment in studying from home quarantine by covid 19, and I started dating a guy who meet by ###### on january but I declined the date and during covid he started again to text me we meet and we started dating it have been 3 months since we started dating we didn't start sexual intercourse before 3 weeks ago because I wanted to created a bond before that( I meant we jerk off and make out and it was good) right now we are having problems or I m having it because things get a little off so I took his iPad and check his conversations and figure it out he like fat guys and because I lose weight he didn't feel the same attraction sexually, and he has been flirting with other guys, but its feel so good being with him I confront him and he admitted and said he want to be with me because our energy and companionship is good( I. agree on that too) but the sexual things is not hitting on the point so after breaking out last Sunday we talked about it a decided to open the relationship so he can be with other fat guis no penetration, we can do a threesome and I can be with other guys too( honestly I don't know if the desire to be with other people is because im not fucking with him as regularly I wanted or because I want to be also with other people), because I had sex with other people in the course of those 3 months , but also I want to be with him it feels good, safe.
    I don't know if a open relationship will be the right place because is something new for me

    what do you think?
    open relationship works?
     
  2. Andrew7

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    Maybe it could work if you go into the relationship with a mindset of friends with benefits, since it sounds like it might not be much more than that. But even then, if he's lost some sexual attraction towards you, that would kinda spoil it (for me at least).

    If your feelings towards him are strong, maybe jealousy would start bothering you if he's going to be fixating on other guys, especially if he's going to have a stronger sexual attraction to the other guys he seeks out.
     
  3. TJ

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    Open relationships often require more honesty (with yourself, especially) than a monogamous relationship. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of an open relationship, you will only harbor resentment toward your partner.
    If it's something you want to try, then you can certainly try it, but you have to be incredibly mindful of your own feelings to make sure your emotional needs are being met and respected.

    I also suggest that you give your relationship more than a couple weeks before labeling your relationship as emotionally compatible. Three months is a very short period of time to fully commit to someone emotionally, especially while branching out into an open relationship.

    Again, you can try whatever you'd like in regard to your relationship, but I think you should have a realistic understanding that open relationships (especially so early on in dating) are incredibly difficult to maintain and often result in feelings being hurt.
     
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  4. latinluis

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    that's part of my problem how can I don't attached too much emotionally to a guy
     
  5. Chip

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    Joe Kort, who has been a therapist for LGBT individuals and couples for over 25 years, says that in his experience working with couples, open relationships almost never work with couples that have been together monogamously for at least 5 years.

    In this case, you're talking about someone who has already said he isn't really physically attracted to you, so my guess is that in the long term, you're probably going to end up getting hurt. When he finds a bigger guy that he likes, that person will probably not be happy with an open relationship, and if he has to make a choice, it probably won't be you. So it might be better to simply end it now and give you both some space and then perhaps you can continue to be friends after there's a couple months of gap.

    Also... please think carefully if you do continue with this. With Covid, hooking up with someoone who is hooking up with a bunch of other people isn't a wise idea. There's really no safe way to have sex without the risk of getting each other sick.
     
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  6. latinluis

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    Amazing thanks yes actually i already finished it because i realized what you said