Confused about gender

I think only time will tell. There are some people that think they're ftm and wind up being androgynous, genderfluid, bigender, etc. Just get a feel of where you fit and try to find little ways to pursue who you are while still staying in the closet. I don't recommend coming out until you're certain. I've been on the end of having a premature coming out and it was complicated trying to figure out how to come out a second time while still being taken seriously. I'm here to talk to, if you have questions, or need someone to vent to. But, honestly there are many people here who can do that as well, besides me.

 

Like DreamerAsh said, it takes time. About a year and a half ago I kept thinking about gender, thinking maybe I want to be a boy. And I think it was those intitial thoughts that kept pushing me further, until I was uncomfortable with my hips, my chest, my face, my hair, and everything in between. It's been almost a year since I cut my hair (it's almost at my shoulders now) and just over a half a year since I got a binder. Once I got a binder, it's like everything changed. I only used it a few times (those few times being a musical where I was a male role) and I eventually got uncomfortable with presenting more masculine. And worst of all, I felt guilty. I felt like I was the reason people don't take trans* people seriously, so I started growing my hair out (the first big cut was my last cut, I got a trim a month ago for dead ends), didn't use the binder, and stopped dwelling on using he/him pronouns.
I'm so glad that I didn't come out as ftm. Instead, a few months later I came out as nonbinary, and reverted to being more femme-presenting (yet still pretty neutral). And now I'm questioning my gender again, because I'm no longer uncomfortable being called she/her and I'm just really confused overall. I know there isn't a "look" for nonbinary (nor any gender except if you count the stereotypical ones), but my look is leaning towards 70s/80s grunge. I want to look like a girl, I want to have long(er) hair and be pretty.

I'm not saying you aren't trans, but you should wait before coming out. I say totally go for the haircut - it feels so good! It'll also make you feel a lot better and it helped me figure out first-hand that it's not what I really want. And I've been questioning my gender for almost two years now. It takes time - a lot of time. I would wait at least a few months while consistently presenting as male (short hair, binder, masculine clothing, etc.) before coming out. When you're ready, you'll feel it.

 

Wow. I feel the same as you. I thought for sure I was ftm in January. I came out to my husband. Then after a few months I didnt feel as strongly about it. Now I feel very feminine and happy. Though I feel like I'm on a pendulum. I'm very strongly Male, then less and less, then more female and more and more and back again. I have no clue how to begin to deal with my thoughts and identity.

 

That sounds like genderfluidity.

I totally get the fear of coming out. Especially friend-wise, you'll find a lot of people are a lot more accepting than you may assume, and some won't even bat an eye. Best wishes dude <3

 

Coming out is hard. Staying closeted is hard too. Both hurt a lot. There are tips and suggestions from others who have taken the path of coming out. I am in that process as well, and feel and perceive burdens and costs and tradeoffs, etc. I was raised strictly catholic, but find encouragement in the teachings A) that God (who for me is not a humanized person) is in each of us, and B) that the light of God within me (any every other persons as well) was placed there for us to share with others-- not to remain hidden as a candle or lamp under a bushel or a basket. So, to remain closeted is, in a way, inauthentic. I also find encouragement (or maybe enlightenment) from Michael Newton's work, the journey of souls (amazon). Newton's observation is that our bodies have a sex assigned to them, but our souls do not! And most of us have lived previously (and multiple times) as both amab and afab. Once i understood this it was like the light went on as to who i am as a being and why i carry traits of both male and female within. So, if each of us has within a history of being amab and afab, its simply no wonder at all that each of us brings to the table and carries within our "self" elements (and huge elements at that) of our experiences of having lived as both sexes. i continue to work on expressing that being as i continue my own journey. Welcome to your life! And let your light shine, make your own music, and dance the night away!