Hey, My name is Jesse and I'm biologically female. For the last three years I have had thoughts about being a guy. Something clicked when I saw a post on Tumblr talk about gender identity and ever since I can't get it out of my mind. I get jealous of the guys at my school. I just look at them and wish I could have their height and muscle tone. And their voices, I'm always surprised by how high my voice actually is compared to how low I think it is. It's always a blow to my self esteem when I hear my voice. Even though I'm jealous of the guys around me I don't hate my body. I've got a really flat stomach and I'm working on building my arm strength and getting abs. I'm 5'7 so I'm not short but I wish I could be a little taller. I have a really curvy body but I enjoy it, I don't really mind being a woman. The thing that does really bother me is how I'm seen as a woman. I just wish I could blend in as a guy so I hate getting reminded that I'm a girl and I hate being treated like one. :dry: I even had some of my close friends call me Jesse because I hate my real name (Laura). Sorry if my writing is a mess, I just had to talk about it. I don't know what to think anymore, do any of you guys have advice or similar experiences? I really need to talk to someone about this. :help:
My experience exactly. I would get insulted if someone used female compliments for me. I reacted as insulted as a little boy would react if told what a cutie he is. I can only advise you to experiment with short hair, male clothing and see how you feel about it. This will lead you the way.
Thank you for replying. Its nice to know that there is someone who feels the same way as I do. Its frustrating for me not being able to label myself with something. And while I have accepting friends, none of them have gone through anything like this. I have had a pixie cut since I was a freshman and I recently got a more masculine hair cut and I love it. I haven't had the time but I'm going to try shopping for men's clothes soon. ---------- Post added 11th Nov 2016 at 06:11 PM ---------- If you don't mind me asking, do you identify yourself as transgender or something else?
That's basically me. I don't hate being a guy, but I've always been jealous of girls. Hair, nails, clothes... Like you, I also hate my legal name, and so everyone called me Vader. After giving it a lot of thought, I came out as trans, and I've been a bit happier. I don't really get why I'm happier thinking of myself as a girl, but I am. Guess that's all that really matters, isn't it? Be happy. I can't really give you any more advice than that. Just do what you need to in order to be happy.
Goodness I so agree with this. I used to want to use feminine names when I played pretend as a kid and I could NOT get used to my deep voice. I couldn't get it out of my head either once I saw someone talking about being trans on here. This sounds EXACTLY how I felt, just the other way around.
Sometimes I wonder about that myself. In my own experience it's extremely difficult to judge your own voice because you hear it from a speaking perspective so much of the time. I also have to wonder just how much speech mannerism plays a role. I talking with another mtf yesterday over discord trying to keep her company and provide experience wherever possible, but we made the odd realization that her voice is nowhere near passable yet even at 200Hz, mine is 90-100%(dunno no one believes me on the phone lately when I have to answer calls for [dead name]) passable at 170Hz, and my 7 year transitioned fiancée can't even sound male anymore if she makes an active effort to. There really seems to be almost something else to it. even with all 3 of us trying for 150Hz we sounded vastly different even though the tuner read roughly the same
My name's Jesse too! Great name I had some really similar feelings when I was first starting to think I was trans, but I also know people who've had similar feelings and turned out to be masculine women. My recommendation is to try some stuff out (e.g. names, pronouns, binding, etc.) and see what makes you comfortable. Figure out how you want to be socially and physically, and then find a word to describe it.
