Not sure if I should keep hoping or let go (a rant)

Ok so I've got really strong feelings for a guy (I'll refer to him as C) in my theatre company that I've been a part of for just over 2 months. He identifies as pan and is the first guy I've properly fallen for who isn't straight. He's absolutely wonderful and one of the sweetest (and hella cute) people I know and rehearsals with him around are always so much fun. I've actually asked him out to something I'm doing, but he couldn't make the date.

Now on to the story - a castmate, the guy and myself went to a gay event in a beach bar after our weekly post-rehearsal snacks. I've gotta admit that getting drinks before 8pm isn't exactly a great idea, but we did get a few and shared them (I paid for one of his drinks). So anyway it was a great day and we really connected with the community because we're all LGBTQ+. Beach volleyball and hilarity ensued. On to the main point. So about 20 minutes into our 4 hour spent there, C spotted another guy (I'm gonna refer to him as 'pink shirt guy') and got really flustered and turned on by him. I knew he had a very casual relationship with another guy in Michigan, so I didn't expect him to go full out with pink shirt guy. Because the three of us are really comfortable with each other and the topic of sex, C started to use some of his vivid imagination very explicitly. Some time later, he followed pink shirt guy and literally begged me to give him advice on flirting with gay guys and how to approach them. So I did, with plenty of enthusiastic encouragement (all an act ofc). Considering how physically close I was with C, it honestly hurt to give him that advice and encouragement. Eventually C and I ended up alone on the beach at dusk (just imagine the thoughts in my head) and he asked me to approach pink shirt guy for him. Now that stung. I was having a lot of fun and I had had a few drinks so I didn't really care. I pretended that nothing was wrong and became the sidekick in the romantic endeavours of the boy I'm in love with. I had to be at another event later in the evening, so we disbanded soon after.

Fast forward to the next day; I felt utterly shitty, heartbroken and tired for the whole day when I realised how stupid I had been the day before. I know I'm not the type of guy he wants (we've covered the topic over post-rehearsal snacks) and now that I've been through that pink shirt guy fiasco, I'm just not sure about what I should do. I honestly don't think there's any chance left for me. I could always just give up, or at least try to, to protect myself from what happened when I fell for a straight boy a couple of years ago or I could keep hoping. I'm not even sure of my feelings now that all I feel is hurt and longing. I am certain, however, that I'm still very drawn to him.

Rant over

 

Well I'm already friends with him, so I definitely see myself as a friend as well.

 

Yea I've been through the pining process before and I don't want to go through it again. It's healthier to realise earlier on that nothing romantic or sexual will happen between us. Hey at least we'll still be friends.