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My bravery was stepped on

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by alienatedapple, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. alienatedapple

    Regular Member

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    Hello!
    So, I'm new here, and not sure if I'm doing this right- but here goes nothing.

    So, for the past year I've known that I havent been exactly straight. Though my perception of my sexuality has changed quite a bit over the course of 2k15, I feel like I have finally figured it out.
    I'm gay. Woohoo.
    And I've gotten more confident with the concept of coming out. But, being to shy to say it outright, Ive been leaving hints. Asking my friends their opinion on the LGBTQ community and so on. Though they may not fully understand some concepts, they seemed to be rather accepting. I became more bold in my endeavors, to the point where my friends started to ask if i liked girls.
    Sadly, I chickened out. Though i didnt outright deny it, I tried to make it clear that I was straight. Its not that I dont trust them, I am simply afraid of judgement. Afraid they wont want to hang out with me. Afraid they will not accept me.
    I understand that they probably arent real friends if they dont accept me, but as someone who tends to be a loner, they are the first group of people i have felt happy in in years.
    During basketbalk practice the other day, I made a statement about my sexuality. They freaked out. Whether in a negative way or just shock i didnt know, so i amended it immediately. Having dealt with anxiety over the course of my life, its probably the main thing holding me back.
    I really just need tips on coming out. Apologies for the lack of flow and bad grammer, but typing on this device is not something im used too.
     
  2. lilla

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    Hi there! I remember being terrified of coming out and one of my main fears was that my friends wouldn't accept me (whether by overtly ignoring me, or by distancing themselves from me). My high school was very homophobic, so I ended up not telling anyone until I got to college. So I guess first of all, keep in mind that you're not obligated to share your sexuality with anyone if it's not truly something you want to talk about yet.

    That said, being in the closet feels really awful and stifling, so it's great if you feel like you're ready to come out! Is there any chance that you'd be able to talk to the people in your friend group one by one? Maybe start with someone who you feel like you could particularly trust? For me, I think that would be easier than trying to talk to a whole group.
     
  3. lilla

    Regular Member

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    Hi there! I remember being terrified of coming out and one of my main fears was that my friends wouldn't accept me (whether by overtly ignoring me, or by distancing themselves from me). My high school was very homophobic, so I ended up not telling anyone until I got to college. So I guess first of all, keep in mind that you're not obligated to share your sexuality with anyone if it's not truly something you want to talk about yet.

    That said, being in the closet feels really awful and stifling, so it's great if you feel like you're ready to come out! Is there any chance that you'd be able to talk to the people in your friend group one by one? Maybe start with someone who you feel like you could particularly trust? For me, I think that would be easier than trying to talk to a whole group.
     
  4. alienatedapple

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    Thank you so much for replying to this. I did take your advice and yesterday came out to on of my friends for the first time! They were really supportive and helpful. Im not quite ready to take the next step and tell others, Im just happy I had the bravery to tell one person.
     
  5. n3e

    n3e
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I will just speak on a similar, but different experience I had in high school (about 10 years before I actually came out). I was sitting with a small group of friends freshman year at the lunch table, and I just came out to them out of nowhere. It just slipped out of my mind before I could filter it out. I said "I'm gay". They were taken aback for a second, then they said that's great or something encouraging. I immediately in my own mind was thinking 'why would I ever say that, and i just ruined high school, great'. So I took it back, I said that I was just kidding, and they accepted that, whether or not they believed that I was just kidding, I don't know. I do know that I was not ready to come out then, I didn't even understand my own sexuality back then. I wish I had been out sooner in life, but 25 is not that late in life to come out if you look at the grand scheme of things. I am saying this not to deter you, but to encourage you to consider the best scenario for your coming out. You have to be in a place where you feel safe, you feel ready, and you have a support system to back you up. Sometimes feeling ready to come out wins over the other two, but coming out is difficult, no matter the situation. If you are feeling ready, try to find people that are very likely to react well and support you, and build one at a time, until you have a solid core of people supporting you and backing you up. Then if you do feel ready to be out to the public, you have your friends and possibly family to fall back on if it goes poorly. The good news is that you want to be out. It is up to you to figure out the best way to get there. It will take time, and it is never just an all at once process. Good luck, and get all the support you can in the meantime. Remember, this is an important time in your life, so go about it in the way that works best for you.