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I fell in-love with my best friend- who is not really my best friend anymore..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Basting, Nov 5, 2015.

  1. Basting

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    *sigh*
    I don't really have anyone to talk too. I've been browsing here for a while and finally decided to make an account when I realized the above.

    I have this friend; a great guy, no doubt. Smart, funny and good looking. We were friends since 7th grade (We both graduated this year). At the end of 8th grade he moved to another city and we mostly lost contact, until we started talking.. A lot. It's funny how we really became close friends only after he moved.
    Anyway- he takes pride in his "coldness", always happy to say how he doesn't get attached to things or people. I sort of was like that, but then again, we became close so at some point I started being more open and as a result he did the same with me. We then became best friends.

    Now- he never said that I was his best friend. He had a problem with saying that. But I forced him to say other things, such as that he loves me, as a friend.

    He's also cynical and mean- the thing is that I'm like that too, sometimes. But his insults really hurt- not because of their nature, but because the fact that he's the one saying them. We fought a lot about it but eventually he tuned it down a lot for me.

    At one point I told him that I'm gay. He was cool with it, always willing to listen to my problems, he even offered that we would go out to a gay bar together. The thing is though, he's not gay.

    Although the bigger problem was that he's a jerk. When we finally were able to drive ourselves I wanted to meet with him --as friends--. It was even before I came out to him. In the last two years in which we were able to drive we met only a handful of times. We still talked, sure, but it wasn't the same. Whenever I wanted to meet with him he started making up rules: "I don't meet with only one other person. Invite someone else" but of course, we have no mutual friends. He once said "I hate driving all the way. But you can come to my city" when he knows that I didn't had a car that day. One time I was in his city- very close to his house and as a joke I asked if I could come over. He said that he can't because he wants to sleep.

    It was months ago and I still feel anger when I recall that.

    And honestly, back then, I was still sort of fine with it because I knew that I was his best friend. But then he started meeting with someone else from my city. We were not enemies or something like that, we were just not friends. I witnessed how he broke every single rule he told me about meetings with this other guy. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

    And I said enough. One day I just texted him "Our friendship has reached its end. Good luck in life" And my best friend replied "Good luck to you too". Then the most lonely six months of my life begun. It was horrible. He just wouldn't get out of my mind and only then I realized that I was in love with him. I had to remind myself over and over why I said enough. I had to! But one day, after about six months, I texted him "Hey" and we just started talking again like nothing happened.

    I learned that he went abroad with another friend- one friend- for two weeks. It's funny because I proposed him the same last year and he said "I would never go abroad with only one other friend"' but I kept quite. Maybe he changed? And maybe it was me...

    Anyway, now we talk.. Sort of. He replies to my texts, sometimes. If I don't text him, we don't talk. If I don't ask him a question, he won't say anything. But I love him..

    I want to ask him out, but he's straight, and a jerk, and I love him.. I'm afraid of even asking him out as a friend because I couldn't handle him saying no..

    I don't know what to do... And I don't have anyone to talk too..
     
  2. MatH

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    I am, by far, not an expert on this, but what it seems like is he may be rejecting you already by not putting in any effort in your friendship, although he obviously doesn't seem to want to be a total dick about it. Fading away, simply.

    So consider what would happen if you asked him out, either as a friend or on a date. He'll most likely say no and you'll feel like shit but then at least you'll know. Or he says yes and then what? I mean, I don't know because I'm not you, but do you honestly think it'll work out well? Do you think it will make you best friends again? Making him your bf? Would that even be cool, like, sure you're in love with him, but is it just love missing compatibility?

    I mean, obviously you have a chance, right, and you're in love, but I'm just saying that to me, this sounds fishy. People change and maybe you've just grown apart.
     
  3. Basting

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    I know that he might be trying to reject me but he has always been like that, to an extend.
    I know that it's hopeless and I know that I probably can get better..
    But I can't, not really. I'm in the closet and no one but him knows. I have no way to meet new people. I have some friends but honestly? I'm lonely.

    My new best friend is great and everything but our relationship is mostly mutually using each other for not being bored. Like, I can easily go through two-three days without talking to her and not even feel it. But when I don't talk with him I feel like a dull pain- and when I text him I'm actually waiting nervously for him to respond.

    And I think that maybe if we get together something will change.. Not sure why. It probably won't. We probably won't ever see each other again in person. I just don't have anything else to think about or hope for..
     
  4. lilla

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    When someone shows you their colors you've got to see them, Basting, and it sounds like this guy is putting up a lot of red flags. He's distant, disrespectful to you, and it doesn't seem like he builds you up emotionally. I know you love him and it would be tough to let him go, and that sometimes our feelings lead us through things the hard way despite our best rationalizations. But if it's at all possible I'd do my best to let him go and see if you can find some new friends as opposed to drawing him closer into a friendship/romantic pursuit. They say that the best predictor of future behavior is someone's past behavior -- so keep in mind that if you do end up asking him out and he accepts, your future relationship is probably going to be pretty similar to the past one in a lot of respects. Of course I don't know this guy and my best advice is to go with what your intuition tells you, but whatever you decide to do please keep in mind that you don't deserve to be in a relationship where you have to beg for attention.
     
  5. MatH

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    I had a best friend who I had a crush on but then she emotes to be able to practice cross country skiing more seriously. We texted some during the summer and everything, but through our years I had always been the one trying the hardest, I had to be the one starting conversations. Roughly a month ago we decided to meet up and have lunch and go to a movie. At first I was like cccool! Because, yes, well. But at some point I just thought, why am I wasting my time with her? She is straight, living far away and...actually not awesome (sorry :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). But before that I had been obsessing over her. So you see.