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Boyfriend thinks I wasn't myself?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ReadyToTell, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. ReadyToTell

    ReadyToTell Guest

    So, I had my bf over today before he went to Florida. Mind you, we are both not out, so we have to close my bedroom door to act all shmoozy. Which brings me to my dilemma.
    I plan on coming out soon. I am not pressuring him because his circumstances are different and he will not be coming out soon. However, I told him my feelings recently about how we can't be public and it just puts an emotional toll on me. Even when I come out, we can't be public because he goes to a different district and no one there knows he is gay, only my friends. I just get so upset and today I just wasn't feeling the connection between us. Whenever he leaves, I feel fine and could basically care less that he leaves. But then I might miss him in a week. Am I ok to be doing this? Should I just pause our relations till I come out? I'm so confused. :confused:
     
  2. whereamigoing

    Full Member

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    Location:
    stepping out of the closet
    His fear shouldn't control your coming out. do what you feel is right when you feel like it. on the flipside don't pressure him to come out either. coming out is like being pregnant. It starts off slowly then boom you're six months in and just about everyone knows or can tell. Hopefully hell come out in his own time. but if he doesn't and its harming you as an individual you need ti terminate the relationship and find someone who will be openly in love with you. stuff like this is hard but I'm hoping you make it through.
     
  3. dano218

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree that you two being in different places in your lives may put a damper on your relationship. It is gonna be hard for him to stay in the closet while you come out to your family. While you might have to get your family's trust they won't say or do anything that his family could find out about. It sounds really complicated and if I were in your shoes I would probably break off the relationship at least temporality. I am in a situation similar to this actually and because we live out of state it works for both of our family situations.
     
  4. ReadyToTell

    ReadyToTell Guest

    I'm not out yet, but I most likely will in the next month. My parents have never met his parents, and I have barely even met them. So, it shouldn't be a problem with mine telling his and they will understand he isn't out and will accept him as if he was their own. However, whenever we are with his friends, are even in his town we can not act like boyfriends but when we are around my friends we can. I don't mean to sound selfish but it is not fair to me and to him, right?
    Thank you for your help.