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Am I pretending to be gay? Was I straight all along?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bwayinabox, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. bwayinabox

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    I've been diagnosed with a serious case before. I came off medication after being stable for some time. I guess it's back again.
     
  2. bwayinabox

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    Update - So when I was younger, I would think of the female body and maybe doing things with it, but apparently I convinced myself I was gay. I've been 'gay' for quite some time now and I've had feelings (romantic and sexual) about guys before - to the point where I was extremely confident about being gay. The funny thing is that I'm noticing myself acting more straight like thoughts about wanting to be with girls and not with guys and stuff. And I'm kinda back in the thinking about the female body thing and kinda reacting to things related to it. In fact, my physical attraction to guys has been diminished quite a bit. I'm wondering if this is my OCD trying to get me to question myself and consequently forcing me to feel stuff that I in no way want to feel. This kinda reminds me of when some gay people convince themselves they're not, but in my case it might be that I'm straight but convincing myself that I'm gay.
     
  3. MaximusMike

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    My advice would be to stop thinking purely in the hetero/homo binary. It seems like you aren't comfortable identifying as straight, and at times as gay too, so perhaps another, non-mono sexuality would be more befitting?

    Just a bit of food for thought, hope it all goes well!
     
  4. Euler

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    Go and consult your psychiatrist or GP about your OCD. It seems that you need to get back on the medication. This has nothing to do with your sexual orientation but seems to be serious case of OCD.
     
  5. bwayinabox

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    I don't even know if it's OCD... It's just seems like I'm really straight or something.
     
  6. soner

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    Hey I am here to share what I going threw as well so ive identified myself as gay my whole life ever since I was little I used to have guy crushes and for some reason during my summer vacation i came across this article that being transgender is a mental illness and i think that's where my anxiety started (I'm not really sure if that's how it started) where i thought 'well is homosexuality an illness as well?" and then the torture started i started looking at girls questioning myself if i was straight or gay and the fact of me being straight got me HORRIFIED why? for many reasons actually i really didn't like the way straight in my school acts or thinks so i put in my mind that if i turned straight id be just like those jocks in my class room who masterbates in science class and talks about car engines lol and the fact that i could be different in society made me idk happy and until today these thoughts come in and come out i have guy crushes they look at me smile at me but when they do that my mind speaks to me again "Why are you liking him if you might like girls?" and the same thoughts go on for days its like i cannot think about relationships what so ever its so irritating i cant find a psycologist why? well I'm 16 and have a homophobic mother and if she finds out i am struggling with sexuality issues she will throw me in church until i basically have an exorcism lmao but i just think about vaginas and try to imagine myself penetrating one i feel like i would like it but at the same time i get chills and never get hard to it and yes i also do feel that I'm not sexually active with guys like i used to be sometimes i could think about a guy holding me or kissing me i would get hard but sometimes i would think that I'm getting hard to a girl i get this tingly feeling but i never get FULLY ERECT i hope we can both get threw this and look back and laugh at this one day i know this might not help but maybe you can relate to my situation? have a nice day :slight_smile:
     
  7. Just Jess

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    I have recently discovered I go through long periods where I am into one and not the other. I use the bi label to desctibe this. Even though I am usually into girls, I have come to understand that what drove me to experiment with men in my late teens and 20s had some genuine drive to it even if those experiences were.. not in the same ballpark as being with a woman. Men are still unattractive and a lot about straight sex turns me off, but there are some things about riding a guy that would actually be kind of awesome. Sometimes. It's frustrating.

    Anyway I posted all this because even if it's not you, I recently had to struggle with giving up the gay label, and I think that means I can relate. And of course right after I did, I entered another boys won't work phase just as I had feared. I am choosing to keep the bi label because I feel it gives me a bit more freedom and more accurately describes these "rare moods" I have.

    Not saying you should. I am though going to say that it was not as big a deal as you would think it would be. Coming out actually gets easier every time you do it. I lost a grand total of one fair weather friend this time and between us he wasn't much of a loss.
     
  8. Euler

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    Talk to a doctor and you fill find out.
     
  9. bwayinabox

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    I'm beginning to lose the 'will' to be gay. It's like I WANT to be straight now. It's like I know it's right or something. But then I'm having feelings for this guy and I'm doubting if they're real because 'what if it's all made up'? I'm just so confused because of the sudden loss of confidence about being gay. I've been and felt gay for so long and now it's gone down the drain. There's some part of me that detests the idea of being straight and wants me to be gay, but there's another that says that I am. I really wish I could go back to the time when I knew who I was.
     
  10. Vav

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    I get this obsession as well. I happily identify as gay for a while until I feel like I'm attracted to men again. The men I'm into were very effeminate, so I told myself I was open to experimenting with femme queer guys. After a while experimenting with any type of guy lost its appeal. I just want to know if I like men or not.
     
  11. lessthanbi

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    If you were straight you would try to stare at girls asses and breasts and picture them naked pretty much all day every day unless they are very unattractive. Is it like that for you?
     
  12. bwayinabox

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    I did for a time quite a few years ago and I do a bit now after many years of pure gay. Though for now it feels more of an annoying obsession (a very unwanted one at that). It's something I just really want to push away because it doesn't feel like me (or does it?). It's especially confusing at the moment because I'm falling very hard for this boy (I've only properly fallen for boys).
     
    #112 bwayinabox, Mar 26, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2016
  13. bwayinabox

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    I guess there's a probability a me being a bisexual homoromantic though. I definitely have no feelings whatsoever to girls.
     
  14. SHACH

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    I get this. I was always a bit sex crazed (but a virgin) and was into guys but I realise... not as much as girls at all. I feel like I was into sex and I was into the look of guys and drawing it - two seperate things, but with girls I am into loving and having sex with THEM. Since I accepted liking girls, I don't really feel any desire to be with a man any more and everything I felt before just feels insubstantial. In my mind I feel like being bi would be okay but it doesn't reflect what I actually want, so I don't like it. And then I realise how I freakishly sort of want to be a lesbian haha. I feel sort of like I'm convincing myself but at the same time it feels very real, its such a ridiculous predicament.

    I feel like, it is probably not your OCD making you question, but it is that that's making it hard to get past. I'm not OCD but I do tend to over-think things and what I'm trying to work on now is getting to that stage where I really don't care about labels. Because that's whats really messing with us here - an obsession with trying to categorise ourself. Since you have OCD, its probably harder for you to get over that... maybe you should talk to a therapist or something. As for me, I just really need to focus my mind eslewhere.