I thought about writing this for a long time... so me and my ex have been on and off for a long time and have always came back to each other. Around the beginning of summer it was on again.. we were a "thing" we weren't in a relationship but we both loved each other and wanted to be together. We didn't get together because there is some distance between us. So a while ago I started realising that things were fading in the relationship if I can call it that, she wasn't affectionate towards me any more and we barely ever talked. Well I would try to talk to her, I would ask her if I could call her or if we could go on cam but a lot of that was shut done. I don't blame her I know things fade especially with the distance, but if we were going to try we would need some kind of communication. When I realized that her feelings were fading I started being a little distant and being on the defensive, trying to lighten the blow when it came I guess. I cried a couple of times because I thought about it so much and I really wanted to talk to her and let her know how I felt to get them out, but she was always busy or doing something else or maybe just didn't want to. So I couldn't tell her what I was feeling and I couldn't tell my two closest friends either because one got jealous of her sometimes and the other one had gotten tired about hearing me talk about this girl and thought I was better off without her. With no way to vent I just kept thinking about it everyday and it built and it built and then one day I couldn't handle it any more. It was 1 or 2 in the morning and I texted saying that I needed to talk to her and if I could call her, this time she said yes. I told her everything and she seemed like she didn't care at all. I gave her an ultimatum and said that she either take time out of her day to talk to me maybe 3 or 4 times a week or I'm going to walk away because there is no point going on with false hope that things are going to work themselves out with no communication. She started thinking I was seeing someone else, which I wasn't I was just going crazy with my thoughts. Its funny because when we were close and very much into each other I talked to her every day on the phone and she still thought I didn't communicate enough. When I hung up I felt relieved that I didn't have to stress about it any more, I did not shed a single tear. It went on like that for a while me feeling nothing. Two days after the call was my birthday and she gave me a happy birthday through text she also thought I was mad at her which I wasn't and she asked if I was seeing anyone which I said no. After that she started texting me a lot more, initiating the conversation. She would see my snapchats and text me commenting on them, she would even flirt with me a little bit. I was so confused like why if you couldn't text me before are you texting me now, but I still talked to her because I didn't mind the conversation. The reason I'm writing this is because after a while I started crying about it, I thought I could go along without letting my feelings out and be okay and get through. But I guess not. Usually after things end and I start trying to get over her she'll come back and want me again which completely fucks with my mind, but I don't want that again. I've tried so many times with her, because I so badly wanted to be with this girl but maybe we just don't work and I'm tired of the on and off, I want consistency. I still love her and want her to remain in my life even if it's just as my friend. Maybe it's just not the right time for us I really don't know. Anyway I've been surrounding myself with friends and that has helped tremendously but when I'm alone there are still those moments where I break down. I'm just curious what has helped others in the past when they have dealt with break ups, how can I make this easy for myself. I feel like having her on my social media accounts isn't helping too well because I see her face almost everyday on snapchat and instagram. Should I remove her from them at least until I'm over her.. I'm just not sure ... gah help and thank god I have this forum to let all my feelings and thoughts out.
I think you're right to remove her from your social media accounts. You did a strong thing telling her you've had enough. Now she's missing what she can't have but that's not enough. She should miss you for you not the idea of you. Be good to yourself.
i'm kind of currently in a similar situation. my ex and i have been on/off for the past year and a half. we date for 2 months, break up because she's batshit crazy, we both block each other, someone contacts the other, we date again, repeat, repeat. we've literally went through this cycle at least 4 times - if not more. the best advice i can give you is to just cut them out of your life. looking at their facebook status updates, tweets, "i miss you!" texts, etc. is just going to be an annoyance emotionally. i know the shit is hard to do. if she didn't have me blocked via facebook right now, i'd honestly probably go creeper style and read everything she has posted. it'll get easier with time. and if she's completely blocked off, you won't think about it as much. actually, you'll think about it less and less everyday. you'll meet some cool, new bombass chick that rocks your world and that'll be that.
I'm glad I'm not the only one in this situation. I don't doubt that she'll want to be on again in some time too. I really don't like how she's like that, it really messes me up and I used to so easily and so quickly run back to her which I don't want to do any more. I know it would be different if we lived in the same city but we don't so I think it's time to let go. In time I'm sure I'll find someone else, but right now it just sucks haha. Yeah I guess I should try deleting her from shit like instagram and snapchat, its a bit difficult though. Oh well, thanks for the advice though.
The best thing to do would be to cut her off from all social media. She doesn't deserve to know about you and your life if she cannot admit to herself and make up her mind how she feels about you. I feel in love with my best friend in high school over 20 years ago. We never dated, but we were deeply emotionally involved when we were both single and married (we are both married to men now...). Over the past twenty years she has done much of what your friend has done to me. Texting, talking, flirting, constant....then all the sudden getting distant to the point of cutting me off completely. My friend has left me and come back about five times in the past twenty years and let me tell you, something like that really tears at your heart. You deserve better. It is her issue that she cannot commit to loving you at 100% the way you deserve to be loved. She cannot continue to be given the opportunity to come back, get your hopes up and then leave. You are better off focusing your time, attention and energy on someone with the promise of tomorrow...not someone who is being chased by their own demons.
Ugh. I just went (am going?) through this as well. She completely mindfucked me -and I would dare say herself- and then decided she wanted to be friends only. Then decided she couldn't handle that and sort of faded in and out, so I blocked all her stuff on social media, all the screenshots and text messages I had saved, and deleted her contact info. Then after a while she decided she was over whatever her problem was and wanted to be friends. I mean, I was totally into her the whole time so I was cool with that. Then out of the blue it's all "I miss you," "I'm sorry" "I still love you..." So I was like, game on! Thennnn she decided that she can't do this, because, in her words..."I'd rather fuck with people I don't care about then hurt people I love. And I'm not ready to be serious, so I promised myself I'd suppress anything I feel for you so I don't end up hurting you... But let's be friends." (I paraphrased that last bit). So now I have to decide if I'm gonna stick around even if it means getting my heart stomped on or if I'm going to cut her off completely. It's not an easy choice, and we don't have the history you do. But, my point was, during that time I stopped all contact, it did help a lot. I couldn't try to read anything into her posts, couldn't look at her pictures and torture myself. A clean break is good for everyone.
I agree with the others, as hard as it may seem (and will be) you should cut all ties (for a period of time...or forever) to find yourself & heal. 3 months ago the relationship I was in for 13+ years abruptly came to the end, my girlfriend betrayed me by calling my sister to divulge a very personal and sensitive matter (that I shared with my girlfriend) which could have potentially harmed the dynamics of my immediate family. My sister called me immediately to inform me of the hour+ long conversation she had with my girlfriend, she could not understand why my girlfriend would call her and tell her those things...and neither could I. You see, for the first 10 years of our relationship we lived separately but saw each other practically daily (we've had our share of relationship issues but we'd work those out). Three years ago we relocated to another state, so that I could become the primary caregiver to my mother. At first we lived with my mother in her home then my girlfriend and I moved in together in a cottage next to my mom's home (to begin what I thought was the beginning to the rest of our lives together). To make this long story a little shorter we had several arguments over money, time and family but again, as usual we would try to work those out but then eventually she began staying out all night (stating that she was at work). At one point she failed to come home for 4 days and only returned my calls after I threaten to call the police (in fear that something had happened to her). We had, what some might call a 'Come to Jesus' discussion at that point and agreed to work on our relationship however, weeks later she accepted residence at her place of employment (without a mention of it to me). As hurt as I was, I still wanted to save our relationship so we again agreed to try to salvage what we had from separate dwellings. Things seemed to be going ok until I received that call from my sister. I was completely blindsided and deeply hurt. The fact that she divulged an extremely sensitive & personal matter that I confided to her destroyed any trust I had in her. That evening after my sister's call, I blocked all calls & text messages from my girlfriend (ex now). It was hard, a couple of times I unblocked (just for a few minutes) her just to see if she would call but quickly realized that I was not ready to talk to her. I think of her often but I honestly can't say if it's because I miss her or just miss being with someone. I week ago I received a FB messenger text from her wishing me a Happy Birthday (it was the only contact I've had from her since that infamous call), at first I thought of ignoring it completely but then took the high road and responded with one word "Thanks". It may take a while for me to get completely over her but I have to stay strong....it's amazing how someone can tear you down with emotional & psychological mind games and not think twice about it. Stay true & strong to yourself! Good luck!
Thanks for all the comments I guess a lot of people have dealt with this. I'm still struggling with it and what sucks is that I can't really talk to my friends about it. I have not deleted her from social media yet I know I should and I really want to for my benefit, but I don't know. Truthfully I would have waited years and years and I remember I told my friend that, but I don't want to wait around for something that may never come when other opportunities may arise. It just really burns, I wish I wasn't so drawn to her, and ugh I don't know it's a struggle even to write this.. I don't want to think of her it's painful but thanks again.
