For the last couple of years now, i've gone through the process of coming out, to friends, to family and to myself. To go through my life at the moment, im teaching english abroad as part of my university course, it's a good job that im really enjoying, i have a lot of new friends over here, and i have absolutely nothing to worry about. Here is the problem, im finding more and more that i face large mood swings. I feel this crushing loneliness that someone with so many friends just shouldn't feel, i really want a relationship, but i don't seem to find the right people. I thought i was past awkwardness about being gay but i don't know how to meet people who also want serious relationships, over some quick hookup. My main question is simple, is there a way i can be happy when im alone?
Well happiness without a relationship is archived when you stop thinking you need a relationship to be happy. People think that after they came out, they need to get into a relationship to validate their outness. But it is not necessary, you should not rush to a relationship if you don't feel ready. Instead of focusing in getting a boyfriend or girlfriend or .... any or both P), think of this time as a great time to get to know new friends and flourish your relationship with the ones you already have. At the end, when you're in a relationship, having time for yourself will be harder and you'll want to use your time for yourself the best you can. Plus you can hook up with many people and no big deal!! (always wear protection )
Id say its possible to be happy whilst alone, or not in a relationship. Like jede says though, a big part of it is not feeling like you need a relationship to be happy. I think life takes a new direction when you do stop focusing on how much you think you need someone else. I became a better friend, more efficient and focused at school...more relaxed and less stressed. I do still think about relationships, but not with the same kind of crippling longing feeling.
I think there is definitely a way to be happy when you are alone, although it can seem difficult to find. For me, I get the same crushing waves of loneliness but I try to just fight through them and have a nice relaxing sleep and then fill the next day with things that make me happy such as talking to friends and or music. I also like to act as characters and such but that is more of a personal preference, socialising and listening to music is a much more general joy. So, I hope having a nice sleep and then doing some awesomely fun things the next day helps you cause I know it helps me. The other posters have put forward some great suggestions as well. I have stopped thinking I NEED a relationship and that has really helped.
Everyone is very right. I go through waves to where I think I really need someone or I am missing out on something. When I think that way, I become more and more depressed. I spend lots of time "window shopping" of personal sites, I spend time in gay bars and get offended when no one approaches me. When I change my mood around thinking how great it is to have my independence and that I will find that special person when I at least expect or that (if you're religious) God has me on a certain life path right now and until I achieve what he wants me to achieve than he will open up the chance for me to have love. Its all a trick of the mind sometime. I do a lot of things alone and I'm happy when I convince myself how exciting it is to be alone for now.
