Hi everyone, I hope you all are well <33 To be honest I feel so embarrassed looking back at my old posts but I understand that I was distressed at the time and I can see how I’ve grown as a person each time. On that note I always find myself coming back to this website in time of need, and if possible I need some help about my sexuality. I’m a senior in high school, ( 17, female ) and pretty much my entire high school life I’ve been questioning - for at least the last 4 years. It’s caused me a lot of pain and I would like to come to a conclusion on my sexuality. Not just for me but the people around me that I trust and love. the idea of labels terrify me and I honestly hate them but I would like to have something at the same time you know? I’ve researched but everything feels too restricting. I’ve looked at bisexual and just queer overall but I’m still not sure. Maybe bicurious?? At the very least I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m somewhat gay - as hard as that is to admit. I mean I’ve had both boyfriend and girlfriend over the years. my question is are there any terms that I could use that are not restricting that u could use as a cover for me to figure it out while also telling people I’m not 100% straight haha. At that same time I’m too afraid to admit I’m gay lol. Basically I want to find a label I’m comfortable using that is not restricting and feels safe for someone who is still confused. Also tips on how to accept yourself ) I’ve watched YouTube videos like Dan howells coming out video many times in which I find comfort. I kinda have the same opinions on this whole labeling thing as him so I though I would though it in for reference. Any help would be appreciated, yet again, thank you all so much <33
"Questioning", states that you are exploring, does not limit you to anything. It has taken me years of work, self help books, therapy and time with friends who are accepting. It is not easy but it can be done. I have found mindfulness and meditation helpful. The writings of Don Miguel Ruiz, Brené Brown and a few others were somewhat helpful also.
Thank you so much I’ll take a look at your suggestions and I’ll do some more thinking on “questioning” but it’s a step closer )
Hi Paigez! I hope you're doing well. It's perfectly fine that you come here whenever you need help. That's the point of this website. EC is like a big family and all of us are glad to be helpful. I see your point about labels. They can be useful in order to explain others what your preferences are, but keep in mind that they don't define you. I mean, we are more than our sexual orientation. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what label would fit you the best, but my advice to you would be that there is no need to haste about that. You have the right to doubt and even to change your mind. Not everybody has clear their sexuality at the beginning. Apart from that, it's completely natural to have fears about being "different" (even though I don't know what "normal" is, haha). In order to accept yourself, maybe therapy or coaching could be useful. Also, watching YouTube videos or reading books on that topic, as you have mentioned, can help you. And if you have someone who you really trust and you know they will be supportive, it could make you feel better to open up to them (though, I know this can be a bit scary at first).
Questioning is a pretty fair non-label. There's no limit to what it can mean, because it's honest in its simplicity. Queer works too, if you're comfortable with it (I personally wouldn't use it because it makes me uncomfortable, but I know many others who click with it without issue). Or perhaps even fluid (though you might need to make the distinction between being sexually fluid to avoid confusion of someone taking that to mean gender-fluid). Your sexual orientation is determined more by what you feel toward people of either sex than what you've experienced, though experiences play their part too. It varies from person-to-person, since many homosexual people have been in opposite-sex relationships before coming out, and many straight people have experimented before realizing they truly are straight. Remember, there's no pressure to adopt any label that makes you uncomfortable, or any label at all. If it comes up in conversation, just be honest regarding your feelings.
