Am I pretending to be gay? Was I straight all along?

Um... If you only want to be with a guy, you can certify yourself 100% gay. No need to question that, unless I'm missing something.

 

Can I give you an advice not very useful but a thing that I learned during my lifetime? Just calm down, it's so important to you know if you are gay or straight? What are you worry about? You don't have to diagnose yourself, just live doing what you want, don't suppress your feeling thinking that you are not gay or straight or whatever.
You don't have to decide what you are, and you can't anyway so you should not worry about, you should not put a definite label on you (*hug*)

 

Relax, don't focus so much on labels. Just take the time to understand how you feel, explore your feelings and forget about labels for a while. No worries. (*hugs*)
Blessings, best wishes and good vibes to you.

 

If you are sexually attracted to guys and only can be in a platonic relationship with a girl then you are gay.

 

I can't tell you how to identify and wouldn't want to but it certainly sounds to me like you are only attracted to men. But sometimes our minds just make us second-guess ourselves, even about things we are really sure about. I agree with the above advice to not focus on calling yourself gay if the idea is somehow intimidating to you. But I know that can be really hard to do, to just live and not wonder about it. At least it's hard for me.

 

It might be some fear from earlier in your life of being gay coming out. What what I read, you're gay, no question.

 

I really don't understand why you think you might be straight? Or even bi. Am I missing something? I agree. Don't worry about labeling yourself. Just relax, think things through, do whatever you want, be with whoever you want.

 

Focus on what you know for sure about yourself. Ask yourself, who do you have feelings for? Is it guys or girls? Maybe both? The always remind yourself what you know for sure and no other response can change it.

I thought I was gay for a while, however even to this day I've never had feelings for guys. Not once in my life did I ever think I was gay (or bisexual). In addition, I've had feelings for girls for all my life. This to me was a clear indication that I've been confused, maybe because of all the porn that I've watched (which was 6 years). I've developed an addiction to it, and so quitting porn is almost like quitting smoking/drugs. But that's besides the point.

All I know is that I have feelings for girls and guys to me are like friends.

 

I think you know in your heart that you're gay just like I do. I have literally the exact same feelings. I think it's just part of the denial process. It is pretty confusing that we have this feeling that we want to be gay when like you said some gay people would do anything to be "normal". Just hang in there buddy :/ If you want to talk, I think we c Co uld help eachother understand this situation we're both in. Feel free to message me I'm here for you.

 

Maybe now is the time to focus your mind on that 'other stuff' for a while, get it over with, and give yourself a break from trying to figure this confusion out. You know, too many things happening at once can be a bit stressful.

Also, I reckon you are overthinking this. Really, you pile doubt upon doubt, doubting your own feelings and perceptions. You love the idea of being gay? You "love the guy with all your heart"? You want to be sexual with guys, but only to have platonic relations with girls? Gosh I think you sound much 'more' gay than I am, for what it's worth. How much more 'evidence' do you need? Is it really that hard to just accept that you are gay, and that that is perfectly fine, no not just fine but awesome in fact, and there is no need to second-guess and doubt your own feelings and perceptions like this? When it comes to issues around sex, trust your body and your feelings over your thoughts. What does your body tell you, when you see a cute guy versus a pretty girl? I have a feeling I already know the answer to that!

Don't get torn up by never-ending doubt. Trust your body, and your feelings. As for the 'thinking mind', well have you noticed how much it changes, from day to day, minute to minute? Sometimes it's good to take a rest from thinking for a while, and just rest, feel, be. (*hug*)